fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
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