i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
