So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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