Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
