Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
