when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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