These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
