I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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