Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
