seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
