So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
