The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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