Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
only if we run a train.
done.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
