I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
