Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
