Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
dude. I can hear the air.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
