There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
