I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
