nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
