She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
sex in a hospital.. check
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
