Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
