Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
