its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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