How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize