Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
