im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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