these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
