is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
