He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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