Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
