I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize