umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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