you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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