you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
