you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
