We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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