I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
