He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
