My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
