It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
