Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
