I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
