She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
