we have officially lost it.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
