Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
