Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Less talking, more tequila
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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