seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
