No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
