Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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