I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This house was built for laser tag.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
