Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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