Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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