I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
