Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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