I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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