he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
