I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
