I cannot find my penis.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize