I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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