Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
