First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You're like the curious george of whores
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
