I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
