I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
