I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
