Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
