Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
