No stitches, just platelets and will power
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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