I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
