i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize