it was like eating out sand paper
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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