yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
