got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Never underestimate the power of titties
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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