I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
