Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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