sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize