so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Ladies don't puke and tell
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
