"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
