you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Randomize
