is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
