Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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