i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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