Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
