I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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