did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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