He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
