he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
