the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
