Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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