I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize