he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
