True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
