State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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