Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
