I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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