Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
