Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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