She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
